Higher Self vs. Ego & the beauty of vulnerability, connection, and collective healing

This morning, as I was waking, I opened my eyes. Noticed my body. Noticed the fabric of the sheets, the cushioned bed under me. The white walls of my room. The sunlight shining into the blinds of my window shade. I breathe in.

And I stated the words aloud: "I am grateful."

Everyday, I want to choose to frame my mindset, and approach each day from a perspective of gratitude.

In addition to the intentional action of changing my mindset to approach each day with gratitude, I have also been reflecting on...

CONNECTION.

The connection that occurs with every social interaction... whether it's friendships, relationships, mentorships, situationships, or interactions with acquaintances and strangers, we humans all affect one another.

I think the interesting thing about interpersonal relationships, and new friendships, is that vulnerability begets vulnerability.

After losing an important relationship to me... and the heartbreak and grieving that came with that experience, I definitely noticed a great amount of difficulty being able to open up to people again. When a close friend would open up to me, I noticed that there was a fear response within myself.

In other words, it triggered my trigger.

I had to reflect on:

What is this bringing up for me?

Is this coming from a place of love or a place of fear?

Where do I feel this emotion in my body?

What is it trying to tell me?

In reflection and meditation, I had to allow myself to sit in that discomfort. I had to get to to the root of it.

I had to allow myself to FEEL IT.

And, of course, I am still trying to understand that fear/emotion/triggered response. I use multiple words to describe this feeling, because it is more important to feel it and work towards understanding it, rather than give it a label or name.

In psychology, we might call this an "avoidant attachment" or conditioned response.

In spirituality, we notice that this is a calling to identify and acknowledge our personal traumas, negative past experiences, our personal shadows, and the need for healing our spirits and inner-childhood selves.

Human beings are complex creatures.

Within humans, there exist both the ego and the Higher Self. Each of them make up who we are. As we go through life many of us struggle with our real identities and true, core selves: who we are, what we want and what really makes us happy. We have been programmed since childhood subconsciously on so many levels from our primary caregivers, our experiences, our societal structures, and through our personal traumas. The identity or personality we develop is multifaceted and we have so many aspects to us.

Because we are living in this programmed 3-dimensional construct of the physical realm, many fall into the trap of the ego and disconnect from their higher self. The ego is our sense of self esteem and self importance. It has been given the connotation of something that is "bad" or negative, but that is not always necessarily entirely true.

There are negative aspects to the ego: for instance, when it takes complete control of who we are, our thoughts, and our actions. However, the ego is also a fail-safe mechanism to protect us. This is the regulatory part of you that tells you when to eat, to sleep, that is aware of dangers around, and helps to define yourself as an individual. The falsified or negative ego is what has been manifested through our social, physical, amd environmental programming. It mediates the parts of the brain that are both conscious and subconscious, and can exist as that little voice in the back of your mind that desperately clings to its false identity. This part can oftentimes take over and can indeed be self-sabotaging...

While you can never actually completely get rid of the “ego,” you can be aware of it, let it take a back seat, heal, and allow yourself to listen to your higher self.

The Higher Self is your true self on a soul level and a huge aspect of who you truly are. This realization occurs when you step into the enlightenment of self awareness, consciousness, healing and spirituality to become your best version. This higher Aspect of you looks at things from a soul level and in an objective way. As one goes through an “awakening” they become aware of the expansive connected energy we all share as one. The Higher Self is actually guiding you on a soul level. It’s that innate wisdom, your intuition and your most authentic self. Once you connect to that energy, you can see your world shift.

So many souls here on earth have been disconnected from their higher self and the universal divine energy which we come from. The goal in spirituality is to be the embodiment of the higher self in this physical body.

The merger of the higher self with the physicality of this existence brings one into alignment with who they truly are. The ego can still exist on some level but you can allow your higher self to become the more conscious agent within yourself, you mindset, your actions, and with the decisions you make. You can still tune into the ego but once you embody the higher self, it no longer controls you. You also become fully aware of when you're in the “ego” trap and start knowing the difference. This is the difference between responding versus reacting.

This is where the concept of connection comes in, and this idea of healing ourselves as we heal one another.

COLLECTIVE HEALING...

This is what the world urgently needs.

The mind and body cannot be rushed into the healing process. It takes time.

As previously stated, we humans affect one another. As we project our egos and traumas onto one another, we can also share experiences, relate, and heal as a collective. This is what is meant by collective healing.

How do we get there? I did not know for the longest time, and am still trying to figure that out. The initial step to this is vulnerability. A willingness to be open and honest about who we truly are... both with others, and also with ourselves.

This can be quite scary.

All sorts of things pop up for me: the fear of rejection, fear of not being enough, fear of abuse, fear of codependency, fear of toxicity. Right now, even in writing these words with the intention to post on this platform, lots of these things are coming up for me.

These are my shadows. This is my wounded inner child. When this happens, it can be quite anxiety inducing... and this is what I mean by a trigger response.

When this happens, I try to urge and challenge myself to lean into that fear, and allow that energy to flow through me. The natural human response is to suppress.

You notice that feeling in your body, whether it's in your heart, head, throat, or gut, it doesn't feel good so you want it to go away. That's only natural. And of course, sometimes you do have to compartmentalize, and suppress for your own mental well-being, and that is okay too!

But remember to come back to it.

Honor that shadow. See and feel that triggered response. Validate your inner-child.

Because at the end of the day, he/she/they really just want(s) love.

Here are a few ways to know when your in your ego and to how shift to the higher self.

Making a choice to heal within and acknowledge your shadows can be difficult, but it is most indeed worth doing the work. Most of the time, many people are completely unaware that their thoughts, actions, and decisions are being driven by their ego. However, when you can heal and understand the self, you can begin working to help others heal and understand themselves.

The most prominent energy of the ego is the judgement and negative internal dialogue.

This happens by either belittling or judging oneself, and therefore others. Or this could happen by going in the opposite direction, by trying to make oneself "better" than others. This can result in placing yourself on a pedestal, and seeing yourself as superior, more intelligent, more beautiful, more valid, more enlightened, or more important than others.

This can also happens within the Spiritual community among Teachers and healers. Every human has an ego (or even spiritual ego) that creeps in without us even realizing it. Remember that the ego is false identity and false sense of self. When it feels threatened, it feels the need to protect and attack. This can occur in many ways... projection, victimization, manipulation, getting defensive, judgement, belittling, putting down others, etc. When you embody the Higher Self, there is no judgement: just observation and acceptance. This occurs over time with a healthy sense of self-love and positive self talk.

It does take a lot of work to get to the point of differentiating between the ego and the higher self. Sometimes you actually have to completely immerse yourself in the ego so you can become your higher self. Once you do, so many amazing shifts happen, not only in your own energy of the vibrational frequency, but within the physical realm. You begin making decisions from a place of love, perceiving the world through a lens of gratitude, and creating your own reality. This is a huge part of living and manifesting from the fifth dimension. Every human is learning as they go. As long as you can work towards a sense of self-awareness and mindfulness, you can expand your consciousness.